ComputerHunter.org |
|
|
|||
|
 |
Ch-Ch-Chain of Hearts: Cranking Up Compassion
Can you hear your compassion? It's time to crank it up. One of the most difficult challenges we face in our quest to be compassionate is dealing with conflict. Those we love most tend to be the ones most likely to engage us in sparring that cuts the deepest. Why do we allow ourselves to use our harshest words and most acid tone of voice with the people we love most? Precisely because we love them most. We're counting on unconditional love. We know we are likely to be forgiven. We feel close enough to let our true ugliness shine. Blindingly. We wouldn't dream of lashing out at our colleagues at work in this way. That would be way too risky. Instead, we bottle our daily frustration and dump it all over our loved ones when we get home. Many of my clients struggle with showing compassion for their partners, children and parents when they are feeling stressed. Instead of relaxing into affection, they respond to requests or confrontation with anger. Most frustrating of all is the fact that, while they are lashing out, they recognize that they are alienating those with whom they most want to feel a connection and find comfort. It's as though they are watching themselves lob grenades but are powerless to stop. One of the best--and easiest to remember--triggers for changing behavior is thinking of a particular song phrase. I teach clients to use the "ch-ch-chain" part of Aretha Franklin's "Chain of Fools" to kick off a remarkably simple visualization exercise that is very effective in diffusing escalating conflict. It's based on a traditional loving-kindness meditation, but it's a lot more fun! Visualize a chain of hearts--an extended valentine, if you will--connecting your heart to theirs. Remember that you are linked by this shared affection. In our best moments, we do whatever we can to protect our loved ones from pain. If this person had an injury or illness, you would be gentle, soothing and kind, right? You've probably spent hours caring for this individual with great tenderness. Tap into that. Look at the chain of hearts. Your sharp words slash through that chain like a machete. STOP. Let the words drop away as you focus on that connection. Feel your anger and frustration being replaced by compassion. "Ch-ch-chay-ay-ay-ay-ain...." It's hard to stay cranky while mentally chanting the "ch-ch-chain" mantra and visualizing that valentine. Can't feel the love? Try another Aretha Franklin song. Instead of focusing on that ch-ch-chain of hearts, dive into "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" and replace that poison in your words with civility. Not into Aretha? Pick your own song. Let your mental radio play, and use it to crank up your compassion. [Bah-oomp] Makes me feel like A Natural Woman... About The Author Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 90 countries. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, visit http://mindmasseuse.com.
Google News - Top Stories
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Transitions: Moving Through Change With Grace MOVING THROUGH CHANGE Enhancing Life for a Lifetime Do you often feel lonely, anxious, or even depressed? Is a mid-life or quarter-life crisis threatening your confidence, self-esteem and well-being? Do you yearn for practical advice on enhancing, balancing and bringing new joy to your personal and professional life? What Are Your Priorities? "The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want." -Ben Stein How To Overcome Stuck States In Personal Growth Although many of us use self-help tools like affirmations, visualizations, NLP techniques, and spiritual invocations, we sometimes find that nothing happens. This, to say the least, is disheartening. After many years as a psychotherapist, I found that the brain can be compared to a computer. Since the computer was founded to replicate some of the features of our brains, the analogy also works the other way. In a computer, a corrupted file, a virus, or any other type of malignant software is sufficient to slow the computer down, create frequent crashes, and cause difficulties in opening certain files. In a brain, a negative decision based on some troubling event is sufficient to create internal resistance. This resistance is unconscious and often defies the most valiant efforts by the conscious mind to defeat it. While working in therapy or holistic practice is an excellent way to overcome blockers, internal feedback loops that prevents forward progress, it isn't always convenient and affordable to find the right person when you need him or her. What do we do to move forward when we feel stuck? How do we debug the brain? And how do we do it on our own? In pondering this question, I came across this marvelous technique by Karol Truman in her amazing book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die? She has created a script that speaks to your unconscious mind using a spiritual perspective. It's deliberately convoluted and confusing to the conscious mind so that the unconscious gets to work. Also, you don't feel anything after you're done, since it's below the radar of your usual awareness. I'll give it to you here to try out. And, incidentally, if you feel that it doesn't work, recognize that this too is resistance and work on releasing your doubt (which is basically a fear of failure.) Spirit, please locate the origin of my feeling/thought of feeling negative about (insert the feeling or belief you want to release here). Take each and every level, layer, area and aspect of my be-ing to this origin. Analyze and resolve it perfectly, with God's truth. Come forward in time, healing every incident based upon the foundation of the first, according to God's will; until I'm at the present, filled with light and truth, God's peace and love, forgiveness of myself for my incorrect perceptions, forgiveness of every person, place, circumstance and event which contributed to this feeling/thought. With total forgiveness and unconditional love I delete the old from my DNA, release it, and let it go now! I feel (insert the way you want to feel here). I allow every physical, mental, emotional and spiritual problem, and inappropriate behavior based on the old feelings to quickly disappear. Thank you, Spirit, for coming to my aid and helping me attain the full measure of my creation. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you and praise God from whom all blessings flow. An Easy Way to End The Year As a healthy business owner or independent professional, how do you end your year? Well, I tell my clients to stop working. That's right, stop working. The kind of work I'm talking about is the work of getting new business. There is no new business in the dark days of winter, just the clean up of old business. If you have clients that must spend in order to deduct prior to years' end, go to it. This is for those who have the time to take the time. Your Personal Treasure Chest Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic components of THE ENCHANTED SELF. That's what I've decided to do this time. Coaching: Change Made Simple Here's a story that I think gets at why we have such difficulty with change. Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words Has it ever occurred to you how much you are saying to people even when you are not speaking? Unless you are a master of disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings whether you are using words or not. Bringing Forgiveness Down To Earth What does it mean to forgive? How to Save Yourself from Negative Influences Watching the news can be hazardous to your health. Parts that Make the Whole? or Not There are many parts that make up you. I Give Free Consultations... So, Why Dont They Hire Me? I show my clients a way to answer the question, "So, What Do You Do?" quickly and effectively. What I sometimes hear afterwards is, Automatic Brain Works Overtime For You Use all of your brain to be your most effective. Feeling Self-Conscious? 6 Tips to Turn it Around Fast! When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on your self, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance. How to Give Yourself a Check Up From the Neck Up When was the last time you did some dedicated physical exercise? Online Counseling - a Timely Happenstance Online counseling may be the latest and greatest improvement in therapy. It seems to be perfect for this fast-paced world with many workers who sit by their computer screens all day long. Yet, it is not limited to today's information technology workers or those whose work requires being online frequently. A Quick Checklist for Improving Your Life 1. Learn About You Why Therapy Fails Sometimes I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and when I asked them if they had ever seen anyone else for counseling they said they had worked with two other therapists. They had seen one therapist on and off a few years back. They had seen the other one only a few times. They couldn't even remember her name. Being an Emotional Victim None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term "victim" brings to mind a pathetic image of a person who is powerless. Therefore, It comes as a shock to most of us to realize how often we allow ourselves to be emotional victims. Having counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, I know that many of us are victims much of the time without realizing it. 6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists. Those who skimp on self-care, however, will find themselves slowed down in the end. It's nearly impossible to be an effective parent, spouse, friend, or worker when you are not operating at your best. And you can't be at your best when you are not taking care of yourself!
|
|
|
|
|
