ComputerHunter.org |
|
|
|||
|
 |
Does No mean Yes?
A recent sexual assault on our campus was a wake-up call to those who thought that our small-town university was safe. But rape by strangers is only one aspect of the problem. What about acquaintance rape and date rape? One study found that 25% of the female college students surveyed had at least one experience of forced intercourse, and that 93% of these episodes involved acquaintances. College administrators and campus police estimate that date rape or acquaintance rape happens to one-fifth of college women, and one-fourth of college women will experience either attempted or completed forced sex. This is something we all need to discuss and decide, one by one, what we can do about it. And Christians on campus need to be prepared to offer more than scriptural "Thou shalt not's." "Just say no" is no more a panacea for acquaintance/date rape than it is for the problem of illicit drugs. Often, even when the woman says "No!" or "Stop!" the guy doesn't stop, or even slow down. He coaxes, pleads, and pressures. He may even ridicule, threaten, or get rough. He thinks "no" means "maybe" and "maybe" might just mean "yes." Here are some practical suggestions for women. Decide what is your own personal, definite standard of how far is acceptable, based on solid reasons drawn from morality (what is right?), physiology (what will arouse beyond stopping?), and psychology (what might he wrongly assume?). Explore the potential mental conflicts the dating situation might create. You may often find yourself trying to weigh the value of maintaining your standards against the value of not hurting his feelings, or of maintaining the relationship, or even of ensuring your personal safety. Learn from others the consequences of not communicating your standards clearly and forcefully--before you learn it from painful and bitter experience. Develop effective, assertive ways of saying "no" or "stop" without lying, hurting, or estranging. All of this thinking-through is best done alone, away from the critical, split-second decision-making you might have to do on a date. Another important point to remember is how often alcohol is connected with date rape. In fact, it is directly involved in a large majority of cases. Guys looking for a new conquest know that even a beer or two will lower your resistance. If you are aware of this ploy, you can guard against it. Of course, avoiding date rape is not just the woman's responsibility. Each man who dates must also develop his own convictions. Decide how far is too far. Stop thinking of and treating women as commodities and start esteeming them as persons with inestimable worth. God sees each of them as one "for whom Christ died" (Rom. 14:15; 1 Cor. 8:11). How priceless, then, she must be! Did you know that respect from you and for you is one of the highest values most women want in a growing relationship? Cultivate her respect by establishing your own standards rather than relying on her to determine when to stop. Resolve never to overcome "No!" with coaxing, ridicule, or any kind of manipulation or coercion. Appreciate the value of self-control as an important step you can take now toward becoming a world-class lover when and if you get married. The goal both of you have in most dates is to develop a deeper, more satisfying relationship. Heterosexual intercourse is designed by God to be the fullest and deepest expression of such a relationship, provided it is experienced in an environment of concern, trust, and mutual respect. Such an environment only marriage can provide. Here are three passages that will help you know where to draw the line:
Steve Singleton has written and edited several books and numerous articles on subjects of interest to Bible students. He has taught Greek, Bible, and religious studies courses Bible college, university, and adult education programs. He has taught seminars and workshops in 11 states and the Caribbean. Go to his DeeperStudy.org for Bible study resources, no matter what your level of expertise. Explore "The Shallows," plumb "The Depths," or use the well-organized "Study Links" for original sources in English translation. Sign up for Steve's free "DeeperStudy Newsletter."
Google News - Top Stories
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Mike?s Dating Story (Black Couch Tales) Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Ready for Dating 1) So what's it gonna be? Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success! Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than a little disappointing. What is a guy/girl supposed to do to find quality people? The Dating Yourself Revelation It's another Friday night and I'm bored as sin. There's nothing on cable, or television for that matter. I'm tired of reading books, and there's no one to talk to on the telephone because they're out with their boyfriend or girlfriend. What was I going to do again? I loved Fridays because they stipulated the end of the work week, but I hated Fridays because I had no man in my life, and no plans whatsoever. Do It And They Will Come: Pursuing New Adventures To Find Mr / Ms Right Are you tired of the whole dating scene? Have you spent many hours (years) going to parties and events with the hope of meeting compatible and available singles? If so, now may be time to think about doing something different. Really different. Still Single for the Holidays? Lucky You! Oh, no! Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year's Eve are coming, and you're still not dating anybody. Dating Advice for Those Just Getting Back on the Dating Wagon! Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been off the circuit for a while. Here's a little dating advice to help you back on the dating wagon. Are You Up For The Challenge Back in 2004, I met a gentleman who was interested in getting to know me better. After a few discussions of finding out what I needed to know, I decided to participate. Early in this process, he told me that he is not a good "chit-chat" starter. He could engage in conversation but starting it and keeping it flowing were not his gifts. As time moved on, I found this to be true and it began to be a bother. The long moments of silence on the phone at times drove me batty. I don't know about you but I don't do long moments of silence well at all. Dating Advice for Men: Why Some Women Like Em Younger Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Madonna and Guy Ritchie. Your old high school English teacher and... your best buddy?! Hey, it could happen. These days, if an older woman wants a baby, she can have one. Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-offs and Keepers Dear Relationship Coach- Got a Blind Date Right Around the Corner? Got a case of the blind date? Oh yes we know how you feel. Your heart is racing, your blood is pumping and yet you are not sure about it. Well fear none. It's easy to get up in arms about a blind date but you don't have to be. Follow these simple steps to easing your pain about what's around the next corner. How to Overcome The Fear of Rejection Feeling uncomfortable in the stomach, cold sweaty palm, trembling of legs, losing the ability to think correctly when approaching a girl? Hate yourself for not able to overcome this problem? Oh? please do not feel so. Believe me, you are not the only one facing this problem. In fact, this is a very common problem in man. Everyone is just like you, not willing to admit it openly, having the fear of being laughed and mocked by others. But there's absolutely nothing wrong for feeling so. Googling for Love Google: (GOO.gul) v. To use an Internet search engine such as Google.com to look for information related to a new or potential girlfriend or boyfriend. Online Dating - 8 Sizzling Tips To Make Your Profile Standout! We know one of the hardest part of creating your profile is describing yourself to others. Dating pearl.com gives you the freedom to define & express yourself so you can put your best foot forward. Following are some time tested nuggets that can assist you in creating a compelling & attention grabbing profile. Dating Online in Safety Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So let's first get it into perspective. Some of us just like to have fun but are sick of the singles bars and other similar nite spots that are the last resort for finding a decent partner or lover. They often result in the wrong person even if you are lucky enough to meet someone. Or, you may have once upon a time met someone that 'fitted the bill' but over time this has proved not to be the case any longer, so.......long story short, you are now once again looking for a better fit. You might be just plain lonely or recently dumped by that someone who promised to be there forever. If you're senior in years, you may just be seeking a companion or someone who has similar interests. These days, it's quite likely that you are someone who's busy most of the time and don't have the time to go galavanting around the place looking for a date and attending dinner parties with the hope that your friends have selected a decent blind date on your behalf. Whatever your reason, online dating can definitely help make it happen much sooner than many of the tedious activities which most of us have experienced at some stage. Of course, you are also able to do this late at night (24/7) in your 'jim jams' when you have the time or better still, the inclination. Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-Verbal Language Of Dating We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it. Why Do So Many People Date Online? Once upon a time, online dating was a last resort, a joke of sorts for singles. Today, that is no longer the case. Millions of singles are now looking online for relationships. The reasons behind this new trend in dating are numerous. Dating in the New Millenium Over the past 20 years the face of dating has gone through some noticeable changes. Traditional methods of finding a date would be to rely on friends to play matchmaker or to attend bars, various different social events and parties. We now rely on internet service providers to open the doors for romance. Whether we like it or not, the internet has changed our lives especially in the way we date and meet people. Immigration and Clear Thinking I get a lot of "reader comments" on the issues I choose to write about. This is a good thing for my editors since this means more readers and more readers mean more advertising revenue. It is good for me too in the sense that I do get some of the greatest writing topics from readers who write me. It can also be a bad thing?sometimes a very bad thing. Revealed: What Women Want When It Comes to a Guys Looks As part of my research for a guide to style, I put together a focus group of 6 randomly chosen hot, single women between 21 and 33, to find out what styles in men they considered hot.
|
|
|
|
|
