ComputerHunter.org |
|
|
|||
|
 |
Death, Close and Personal
I got an email recently from someone whose mother died. She knew I'd suffered the loss of my mother and wanted some insight on how to deal with it. Unfortunately for her, I had no advice...shit...I'm still dealing with it. Every single day I think about my mother. I think about her living and breathing. Talking to me, laughing with me, yelling at me. But I never, ever think about her death. This email made me think of that so I began resenting that email. I began resenting that someone else had to deal with a mother who was dead. And I really resented that someone thought I was an expert on dealing with dead mothers. If you get to be an expert on anything...the last thing you want to be is an expert on dead mothers. When I clean my home, I remember doing the same with my mother. Saturday was cleaning day and I always equate lemon fresh Pledge with her. I think of my mother often. I miss her every single day. I find myself wondering...I wonder what my mother would think of this duvet cover. Or I wonder what she would think of my efforts to create a beautiful home. I know it's weird that I know she's gone but I don't wonder about her as if she's dead...I wonder about her as if she's still in Louisiana wondering what I'm doing too. I know...crazy me. Death is pretty permanent. It's as permanent as it gets actually. It's the end. I like to think of my mother being everywhere. I don't like thinking of her as a skeleton in a casket under 6 feet of dirt on the side of an old church in the country. That's too permanent. I didn't have much to offer she-whose-mother-just-past. I don't know her that well so was unable to infer much. I offered what I could. A place to come and rest and just be without the responsibility of dealing with death. Granted, with her in my home, in my space, in my world I...would have the responsibility of dealing with death. With personal death. With my own permanent tragedy. I invited her into my haven where I am safe from all things painful and I helped her in a very small way deal with her mother's death at the expense of my peace. She left yesterday and I turned to my guy and the normalcy of my life to bring me back from my abyss. I, Monica Lenay Pattan Mingo, a self-professed, uptight, prude bitch, allowed someone to hurt me without knowing because I knew how badly she was hurting. I didn't feel a kinship with her. I just felt renewed in my own personal, permanent pain, in my infinite grief. And I left knowing only one sure thing...I'm not cut out to be a hero.
Google News - Top Stories
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Angel of Comfort... The Story I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while listening to the late night news, a news story came on that really touched my heart. On the way home in the wedding limo ... a drunk driver caused a horrible wreck, resulting in the loss of a child and the limo driver. This story stayed in my mind. A few days later, a woman emailed me requesting my help. She wanted to know if an Angel painting could be created for this family. I immediately knew who the family was. I heard a voice say ..."Yes, you can help ... Create an Angel of Comfort for her painting ... their energies are needed here." I emailed the woman and she immediately commissioned the painting. The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger It felt like I had been run over by a freight train. I was stunned. I was in shock. I was crying hysterically. But it was really just a phone call. My dad called and said he had to talk to my husband Jerry. I knew it was bad because Jerry hates to talk on the phone so no one ever asks for Jerry unless something bad is going on. I knew some elderly family members and friends were sick, so I thought one had died. I was right someone had died. But it was not an elderly person or even a sick person. It was my sister April. She was 33, a college graduate, a non drinker, non smoker, no drugs - nothing - just a little over weight. She had been getting ready for a Sunday School party and simply dropped dead. It was probably a heart attack. And that was when the shadow of death passed over my life like a freight train. Suddenly, from the middle of bright sun shiny Good Friday, I was in the valley of Baca. At some time or another I had heard a sermon based on a verse from Psalms 84:6 on the subject of "when passing through the valley of Baca (sorrow) dig a well. I had suddenly become a "well digger". Moving Beyond Grief and Loss In my work as a coach and therapist, I have seen many clients dealing with losses of all kinds-loss of loved ones through death and divorce, for instance. These experiences are difficult for everyone. You Have to Show Up: On Small Miracles (Okay, maybe not so small) I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral. Physiological Consequences of Carrying Emotional Trauma Although many of us carry some form of emotional trauma in our bodies, and therefore in our energy fields, do we ever really stop to question the impact that it is having on our overall health? If you are like most individuals you probably just want to forget its even there. The thought of revisiting it probably just makes you feel sick. How To Write A Eulogy Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing for everyone concerned, for a eulogy is a deeply personal way of saying goodbye. The key word is life, and you've been given the opportunity to celebrate a loved one's life in the individual way that made your friend unique. Don't be daunted by the task, just take these simple steps for a sincere and moving last farewell. Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house, she accepted the invitation cheerfully. Martha was new to the area and so I thought this small potluck I was hosting would be a chance for her to get to know other women in our town. Martha stuck it out till the end, softly responding to each person's questions about where she had moved from and the details involving her current job. It was not until the last guest left that night that she was able to utter her fears, "Oh, Alice, maybe I shouldn't have come." Then she fell apart in tears. Dying at Home ? A Precious Gift Few of us care to think about the inevitability of our own demise. We except that we are not immortal, however for the most part, we are successful in putting thoughts of our own death from our mind. When those close to us die, we painfully become aware of the fragility of life and as we contemplate our own mortality, two things become very clear. 1. We do not want a painful death, and 2. We do not want to die in hospital. Grief I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped beating. I didn't know a life could cease before it stopped breathing. Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds the mask that brings moisture, oxygen and medicine to her babygirls lungs as she struggles against the slime that threatens to suffocate her. Terrorism Worries: 10 Ways to Turn Fear into Hope September 11th changed America and chances are it changed you. Images of that tragic day pop into your mind without warning and you have a constant feeling of anxiety. Awful questions come to mind as well. Will the terrorists strike again? Where will they strike? How many innocent people will be killed? Beyond A Mothers Nightmare To Radical Forgiveness It was a moment I will never forget. Grief If you have ever lost someone dear to you it is likely that you can still summon up the grief that you may still be carrying deep inside yourself as a result of the loss. If this grief, which is usually felt as a deep saddness, is something that you would like to clear in yourself then you may find some hope here. Suicide in the Church Part 1 Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a Christian Business Fellowship which I attend. He was a lawyer with a terrific wife, two young kids, very prominent in his church, coached little league baseball. As one can imagine, speculations abound - everything from possible chemical imbalances to unfair, unfounded comments which...well, small town gossip can be so mean-spirited. Traumas as Social Interactions ("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She"). Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, regardless of how old you are when that loss occurs. For children who lose a parent, however, the effects can be devastating, indeed, and a plan will need to be put in place so that they can learn to accept this part of the life cycle and move on in a healthy, balanced manner. Why Dont We Talk About Anticipatory Grief? I know anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs - far too well. My mother suffered from probable Alzheimer's disease and I was her caregiver for nine years. As time passed she lost the ability to reason, track numbers, read a book, understand TV, create sentences, and finally, the ability to speak. Do You Know Someone Whos Dying? Too many people are dying alone? When Sorrow Is Too Great to Be Borne Alone, Support Groups Reach Out Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided to attend a support group program run by the local Hospice organization. We felt lost, afraid, and alone, and we desperately needed to understand the emotional roller coaster we were on. Learning to Live Again Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the one thing that we never anticipate can happen after we have experienced death. The truth is however, that whether we like it or not life continues on. The decision that we need to make is whether we wish to move on with life.
|
|
|
|
|
