ComputerHunter.org |
|
|
|||
|
 |
The Right Approach
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 9, 2003 I grew up in a happy, loving, stable home. My fiance was not as lucky. He was beaten by his parents and shuttled from relative to relative. At age 11, his parents threw him out, and he had to live on the streets until his aunt rescued him. He is the youngest of four, with three older sisters. For reasons I don't understand, he remains in almost daily contact with his family. Family gatherings typically turn into insult contests, even in public places. His sisters scream at each other, and typically one or more of them will tell me he is lazy and good for nothing. Being an only child, I have no experience with siblings, but I'm pretty sure this is not normal behavior. His parents are nice to me, but I have difficulty wondering how they could treat their children as they did. I don't want to be one of those women who makes him choose between his family or me, but I also don't want my own future children subjected to this kind of conduct. He is a wonderful, gentle, kind man, but I am not sure I can deal with his family for the rest of my life. Margie Margie, to me dealing with people who engage in over-the-top behavior is like housebreaking a puppy. You have to be absolutely patient, absolutely consistent, and absolutely firm. Tamara compares it to being a deep sea fisherman who must maintain a constant strain on the line in order to play a fish and tire it out. Whatever comparison you make, it is out of the realm of sitting down, talking things over, and being reasonable. You must let your boyfriend's family know their behavior is unacceptable in your presence, and you must let them know that there are consequences if it continues. For example, when insults and screaming occur, you could tell them if it doesn't stop, you will leave for the day. Then if it continues, go, even if it means walking out of a theater before the movie has started. Without your boyfriend's consistent support, there is little chance of success. Very frankly, a good book on dog training is likely to be more useful to you than books on etiquette, understanding others, or negotiating differences. Difficult people may change, but you have to be very patient, very consistent, and very firm. Wayne Custom Fit I am a 37-year-old female, never married. I am intelligent, kind, and fun-loving. I am attractive enough that I spent most of my twenties modeling professionally. I think I would make a great partner for someone and a good mother as well. Some of my well-meaning married friends say maybe I should just find Mr. Close Enough and go for it. The problem is I cannot be satisfied with close enough. I know, because I tried with some wonderful men who are great catches and want children, but frankly, I was bored to tears. I don't want to appear arrogant, but some people on this planet are satisfied with minivans, soccer practice on Tuesdays, and a vague feeling something is missing from their life. I am not one of them. I don't want Mr. Perfect; I know he doesn't exist. But I do want Mr. Perfect for me. Some women never marry. Perhaps I wasn't meant to be with someone special. Natalie Natalie, it is not arrogant to know what you want. Some inner part of you is saying the fate of doing it wrong is worse than the fate of not knowing if it will happen. If you settle for close enough, you will resent what you settled for. I ended up with a marriage that exceeds my greatest expectations by holding out for someone special. Perhaps another man would say of Tamara, "Gandhi couldn't get along with that woman!" But for me, she is absolutely perfect. Wayne About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
Google News - Top Stories
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Revenge in the End is Bitter Sweet We ALL think or have thought about it at one time or another. Revenge! Yes, we plan, we let our minds conjure up ways to get back at someone who we believe has wronged us (at this point you should hear the Austin Power-Dr. Evil maniacal laugh in your head). Leading a World Class Life Every four years the world is given the gift of the Olympics. For a few weeks nations lay down their arms and come together to let their world class athletes compete on a level playing field to see who the best is in the many events. Such amazing athleticism was on display the past few weeks. It boggles the mind what these young men and women can accomplish with their bodies. Great feats of skill and determination bring them to the pinnacle of athletic achievement. Incredible. What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want) When you have your dream clear in your mind and you go after it in the right way, the universe will send you miraculous help through meaningful coincidences. Sometimes you may have only one opportunity to receive such help. That's why you must be ready. You Reap What You Sow There is an old principle: You reap what you sow. In fact, it is about as natural of a principle as you can get. When you put an apple seed into the ground, you always get an apple tree. You reap what you sow. The Cracked Pot Letters on Life#3 What Forgiveness Is Not Is a grudge-laden heart sabotaging your success in business and in life? Walking The Walk Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 14, 2003 Thoughts Are Like Seeds - Are You Planting Flowers or Weeds? "You can't harvest what you don't sow. So plant your desires, gently nurture them and they will be rewarded with abundance. " Vivian Elisabeth Glyck -12 Lessons on Life I Learned From My Garden. Abused as a Child Child abuse is a much more common event, than is usually expressed in public. I recently attended an event, where people were asked to discuss their darkest secrets. Out of the thirty or so women in the room, nearly two thirds expressed their darkest secret as, being about child abuse and two had had terminations, created by a family member. I Dare You To Be Successful Just imagine how it would feel to be successful...., to have sufficient money finding its way into your bank account on a monthly basis, to have absolutely no sleepless nights about income and how you are going to pay all the bills at the end of the month. Just imagine how it would feel to be able to take a vacation when you want to. Just imagine how it would feel to pay cash for your next vehicle....... World Kindness Day Once upon a time, in ancient India, a beggar favored a certain foot of land in a village square. He wanted to be rich, but he only knew dire poverty. One day he died on the spot where he had been begging for decades. The villagers decided to bury him on the spot where he had spent decades begging. They marveled when they found that only a few feet beneath the surface lay a treasure chest from an ancient kingdom. Need for a Belief System: A System of Organization for Your Experiences! I've spoken with many people who, over time, have felt inundated by their lives. It seems as though they've accumulated all of these memories and experiences, but the information seems jumbled and overwhelming. This pile of 'mind junk' keeps getting in their way whenever they attempt to move forward in life. It's as if they feel that they have to deal with each and every disassociated memory lying on the floor of their brains. The Fuel for Creative Vigor Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a special blend of imagination, inspiration, and knowledge. Whether the ordeal is like enduring a root canal or soaring on a cloud, depends on how upbeat you are. The fuel of creative vigor is enthusiasm. Hope in Humanity Let us renew our hope in humanity. It's so easy to lose faith when someone cuts us off on the highway, when a 'friend' blows us off (for the second time) and fails to show, when we get burned in a business deal, when a co-worker doesn't do what they said they were going to do, or when a colleague fails to keep their promise, etc. Getting Past Those Blah Days Get It Out Your Support Network Quick. Who's in your support network? Huh? What's a support network? Do I have a support network? Honey, who's in my support network? A Lifetime In Love We let ourselves love but are afraid to say I love you. We constantly allow our emotions to run deep but why do we hold back on our sweet sensations and tingling feelings? Top 10 Things That Make Life Worthwhile Below are some of the things that, over the years, my clients have taught me about making life a wonderful adventure. You will, hopefully, have additions that uniquely enrich your life, and I hope you'll add them to this list and pass them along to others. In the meantime, I share this list with the hope that it will challenge you, and make your day more rewarding! Listening to Your Heart! Trying to predict stock price movements is necessary, of course. After all, when stock prices fall, the cost of borrowing and of issuing new equity can rise, and falling stock prices can both undercut the confidence of employees and customers and handicap mergers. Unfortunately, however, most of these predictions are no more than rough guesses, because the tools CEOs use to make them are not very accurate. Net present value (NPV) may be useful for estimating the long-term intrinsic value of shares, but it is famously unreliable for predicting their price over the next few quarters. Conversations with sample groups of investors and analysts, conducted by the company or by investment bankers, are no more reliable for gauging market reactions. Favorite Quotations... What Do They Say About Us? Have you stopped to think what your favorite quotes are saying about you and your life experiences?
|
|
|
|
|
