ComputerHunter.org |
|
|
|||
|
 |
Dont Get Hysterical About The Historical
The tension was palpable in the room as I began the first marital counseling session ever for the couple who had passed their 50th anniversary several years before. After a few pleasantries designed to put them more at ease, I invited, "Tell me about what brought you here." Immediately, she straightened up in her chair and asserted boldly, "I'll start!" "Go ahead," I said. She continued, "Let me tell you what this man did to me on our honeymoon!" I glanced at her partner, and immediately I could see that this was definitely not the first time he had heard this story. I groaned to myself, "I should have scheduled more than one hour for this session!" Clinging to the past?especially the negative past?can wreak havoc in workplace harmony, organizational progress, and personal peace. LETTING GO OF HOLDING ON Do you find it difficult to let go of holding on? What experiences in your past do you hold on to, either deliberately or unintentionally? The woman in the counseling session had chosen to hold on to her husband's perceived transgressions, enumerating them for him at every opportunity. Sometimes, however, your past difficult experiences seem to interfere against your will with your life today. A recent issue of Workforce Magazine listed "The Simmering Malaise" as one of the 25 strongest trends. They attributed this negative emotional undercurrent to the past few years of workplace trauma?downsizing, diminished financial benefits, loss of opportunity. Things happen in our personal lives, too. I heard about one guy who admitted, "I've had trouble with both of my wives." "What kind of trouble?" "First one ran off on me." "And the second?" "Didn't." Have you experienced traumatic events in your past or work life? If you have, and especially if you haven't been able to come to terms with them emotionally, you may find yourself overreacting any time something remotely reminds you of them. You may become anxious, leading you to misinterpret, suspect, and emotionally exaggerate. HOW TO LET GO OF THE PAST AND REACH FOR THE FUTURE Minimize the toll that unresolved history can have on your present life. Don't let past events rob you of life quality today. 1. Do the necessary emotional work, if you haven't already. Unresolved grief, often masked by anger, can continue to distort your perceptions and keep you from free, positive actions in situations you confront today. When the damaging event(s) happened, how did you deal with them? Did you refuse to acknowledge the reality of your powerlessness to change what happened, mentally or behaviorally resolving to even the score? Did you stay busy, busy, busy so that you wouldn't think about it? Did you become angry and stay there? If you answered "yes," to any of those questions, you may have some grief work to do. Spend time focusing on the emotional losses you experienced and let it hurt. I know, that's not fun. Remember, though, grief is temporary. And it persistently insists on your attention until you do it. Courageously do the necessary grief work; it can free you from the grip your past. 2. Check your reactions for "overgeneralization." When you have experienced a painful situation, it's easy to transfer your reaction to other situations that are in any way similar to it. When my children were little, they were less than thrilled with their visits to the pediatrician, especially on the days they got shots. The doctor wore a white jacket. One day I was getting a prescription filled at the drugstore and my daughter began to cry loudly. I couldn't figure out why. Finally, she pointed to the druggist who was wearing a white coat and asked, "Am I going to have to get a shot?" Have you ever had the experience of having an unusual negative reaction to someone you just met, without apparent bad behavior on their part? Do you sometimes jump to conclusions about others' motives, based on experiences you've had with people in your past? If so, you may have a tendency to overgeneralize, projecting your past onto your present. Learn to separate "then" and "now." 3. Confront your fears. When you've been through work or personal trauma, it's normal to want to avoid such experiences in the future. However, avoidance can grow and can actually increase your overall level of fear. As soon as possible, confront feared situations. Prepare yourself with courage, self-encouragement, and realistic skills. "Get back on the bicycle after you take a tumble." 4. Rewrite history, with clearer emotional vision and self compassion. Yes, there's a sense in which you can rewrite your history. You may be carrying memories that you stored at a time when you had limited understanding . It's easy to harshly judge your reactions from your current vantage point. "I should have known better." But did you know better then? Or were you doing the best you knew to do at the time? As a more mature and experienced individual, you can look back on your life experiences with a broader, more balanced, more compassionate view. This will not change the facts of the events, but it may well change the meaning and interpretation you give them. That can make all the difference in the degree to which you continue to berate and condemn yourself. H.W. Beecher said, "Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." 5. Practice Forgiveness. When you refuse to forgive others for the harm they caused you, you tie yourself to them forever. You ensure that the traumatic experiences will rule your life and rob you of the freedom to build genuine life quality and experience peace. George Herbert said, "He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself." I've had people protest to me, "But if I forgive them, they'll go scot free!" The truth is, your lack of forgiveness is not harming them, it's harming you. Forgive to release yourself. 6. Learn from everything, and use it to build a stronger life and future. I believe that every single thing that happens to us has gifts in it, if we look for them. Closed doors may cause us to step out into areas we would never have tackled under more comfortable circumstances. The loss of a valued support person can stimulate the development of self reliance as well as new connections. Being forced to leave a company during downsizing can be the impetus to explore new job opportunities or to start your own business. One of the very best gifts in life's challenges is the opportunity to learn?to discover how to begin again, more intelligently. Madame Chiang Kai-shek observed, "We live in the present. We dream of the future. But we learn eternal truths from the past." Learn to extract wisdom from your experiences. Charles Kettering estimated that 99 percent of success is built on former failure. Boy, do I find that comforting! Dr. Bev Smallwood is a psychologist who has worked with organizations across the globe for over 20 years. Her high-energy, high-content, high-involvement Magnetic Workplaces (r) programs provide dozens of practical strategies and skills that can be put to work immediately to: Review a complete list of her programs available for your convention or corporate meeting at the website, www.MagneticWorkplaces.com
Google News - Top Stories
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Procrastination Allow me to start this with a quote: For Those Who Have Suffered! As one who has suffered from the long, term effects of trauma I feel compelled to share some experience and hope with those who seek to heal themselves and create true quality of life. 3 Great Ways to Beat Procrastination at Work As more tasks become automated due to advances in technology there is a general expectation, whether it is realistic or not, that productivity should increase as well. Miracles are Your Responsibility Miracles are your responsibility! What does that mean? Simple...You have a responsibility to create miracles in your own life. The responsibility lies on your shoulders. You can't blame anyone else, and you can't look outside of yourself for someone else to create the miracles for you. In this article, I'm going to break down the word "Miracle", because each of you have a responsibility. As you know, my Why is to impact others and change the world one heart at a time. As you read this today, my goal is for you to take responsibility and realize that you have the innate ability to create miracles. So let's get started! Mortgage Marketing - How to Maximize Your Motivation Do you have the motivation to succeed in the mortgage industry? Without the drive to succeed you will surely fail. Know your Mission One passage states "If you want to defeat them, distract them." Another reads "divide and conquer." Overcoming the Fear of Getting Started Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. -- Dale Carnegie Your Life Just OK? It Doesnt Have To Be That Way! Live the Life You Really Want To Live! I have some questions for you. Are you ready? How would your rate your life on a scale from one to ten; 10 being fantastic and 1 being the worst it could possibly be? Are you happy with the most important aspects of your life? And note that I didn't say are you content or are you satisfied. I said are you HAPPY with your life the way it is now? If you are, why are you happy? If you are not, why not? I urge you to be specific when you answer those questions. 17 More Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far Three areas of life in which we get very little training, yet we all seem to have a strong opinion on: marriage, parenting and money. A Quick Observation of the Low Class We can all learn a valuable lesson about the types of behavior and attitudes to avoid like the plague, simply by observing the characteristics of people we all know are low class. Being low class is not a function of the lack of money or social status. I've seen rich people and those high on the social ladder who were very low class. I've also observed folks who were living below the poverty level and low on the social scale who were very high class people. It also has nothing to do with race or ethnic background. Instead, being low class is strictly a matter of behavior and attitudes. Information Age: Knowledge is King In our information age, having the right knowledge at the right time can make the difference between failure and success. Knowledge, gained through experience makes one an expert in any field. Daily Motivation: 7 Methods Isn't a lack of daily motivation one of the biggest problems we face when trying to better ourselves? We often know what to do, or at least the first few steps. But we hesitate, something else catches our attention, or we just don't feel like doing what we need to do. Tips for Mastering Visualization Techniques Visualization is creating a mental picture of something. Visualization is important because it makes the future become more clear. Seeing yourself already achieving your goal makes your brain believe that attaining that goal is possible. Focusing consistently on any given goal will enable you to manifest it far sooner than if you didn't focus on it at all. Focus brings the goal closer to you. Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist? I have been giving some thought lately to optimism and pessimism. Basically, these are attitudes. Attitudes that shape and formulate our entire existence. I mean, have you ever met a happy pessimist? Of course not. Discover Your Purpose In Life Everyone has a life purpose; a unique and special something each of us is supposed to do in LIFE. A life purpose is not a specific job or career, it is much deeper and much more fulfilling. Now, you can uncover your own life purpose. You can do it the easy, fast, modern way, using a modestly priced online program, or you can uncover your own life purpose using the more difficult (but free) old-fashioned do-it-yourself method, If you want to save a few bucks and try doing it yourself here's how ... Why Now Is The Perfect Moment For You To Succeed Let´s discover the importance of balancing preparation, timing and momentum. It´s critical if you want to finally beat procrastination. How To Harness The Awesome, Unstoppable Power Of Persistence In 4 Easy Steps Never underestimate the power of persistence! 7 Key Steps to Unshakable Confidence Do you remember that day? Perhaps it was your first job interview. Perhaps you were speaking to a group for the first time. Maybe you were starting a challenging new career or meeting a special person for the first time. Your throat became dry and your knees wanted to shake. How Poor Are You! Do you want to know your poverty graph? You are poor if you: Are Millionaires and PhDs Really Smarter? The Answer May Surprise You! I've had a vast array of job experiences. While in high school, I worked as maid for a local motel. While attending college, I worked as an office worker in the Sociology Department and Museum of Fine Arts. After college, I was a social worker for six years.
|
|
|
|
|
