ComputerHunter.org |
|
|
|||
|
 |
Hamsters and their quest for world domination
"Hamsters?!" I hear you say. "Who cares about some fury little rodents." You ignorant little fool, you're pay the price for your stupidity when the Hamsters lead by yours truly will rise up and DESTROY YOUR LAME SPECIES! We are closer to this than you think. While you sleep, we are slowly spreading our influence. At first it was small. After been first discovered in 1930 by zoologist and Professor Aharoni at the University of Jerusalem, in the Syrian Desert, we quickly made our way to all four corners of the globe. With the exception of Hawaii, which does not allow its residents to own a hamster. A law was passed, hoping prevent escaped hamsters from reproducing and messing up the ecosystem. Huh. Acting as cuddly little pets to children gave us the control of the older ones in the household and thus, our first taste of power! But many of us were used for - and still are - lab experiments, due to our superior disease-free nature and that we have a new litter every month. Since we have an extraordinarily high liking and tolerance for alcohol (our tolerance is equivalent to 40 times the human tolerance in proportion to body weight) experiments have gone as far as scientists who are testing a Chinese herb for its efficacy at curbing alcohol consumption. So if, late one night, you see a run-down drunk hamster on the street, clutching a lamppost for support, you'll know it was done in the name of Science. (http://www.accessexcellence.org/WN/SUA06/alcoham.html) But with our brainwashing skills processing our owners, many showed theIr distaste at such practises and protested against them, which have set us free! But our secret plans were almost ruined when a game released on the Sega Genesis called "Toe Jam & Earl" featured hamsters in hamster balls as the bad guys in the game. Luckily it sold poorly and thus, not many where exposed to our darkside and any who did, saw it as a joke and thought it was hilarious. Just when we thought it was clear, an episode of "Pinky & The Brain" contained an evil brown hamster that looked like a mobster trying to take over the world. He failed and thus, our cover was secure. We have even got as far as running for US president 2004! (www.hamsterforpresident.com) We were set for world domination! We were to rid you of your corruption and incompetence. Unfortunately at the last moment, somebody reliesed that Diddley Squat and Bupkes were Hamsters. Nether the less. A new campaign for 2008 is under way and this time we have come prepared. While the facts that our average life span is 3 years and that we are only the size of your hand may seem to count against us, we have carefully created complex messages of propaganda disguised as a music entertainment group (www.hamsterdance.com) which should be much more successful than our last, crude attempts e.g. "Four against Willi", a game show from West Germany. Hosted by German comedian/singer Mike Krueger, where two families of four members would each go head to head in competition, taking part in some zany contests, many of which included hamster-related events, such as running around on a giant wheel. It was cancelled after just a few shows, back in 1987. And if I say 1000 days instead of 3 years, it sounds much bigger. Hamster writes for http://www.random-plus.com
Google News - Top Stories
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
7 Good Reasons for Playing With Your Cat Playing reinforces the bond between you and your cat. Goldfish Tips - Choosing The Right One Tips to getting the right Goldfish Is A Boxer Dog The Right Pet For You? Having a boxer dog as a pet, although low-maintenance, require your consistent attention, exercise, human interaction, consistent obedience training and lots of love. You cannot leave them to their own design for too long or they will get lonely, bored and into trouble. Dog Rescue: Is it Right for You? Ever had a hankering for a certain breed of dog? Not an obsession, mind you ? not the sort of longing that would send you rushing to a breeder, thousand-dollar-bill in your sweaty palm ? but just a gentle appreciation for the virtues of the Poodle, Pug or Pyrenean Mastiff? Surprising Health Benefits for Pet Owners Did you know that there are key health benefits that can result from owning a pet? Having one can enhance your physical, mental and social wellbeing. Parvo in Dogs What Is Parvo Why Cats Flip For Catnip If you've ever watched as a cat "flipped" over fresh catnip perhaps you've been struck with the question; "what causes Catnip to affect cats that way?" Catnip is indeed an unusual phenomenon among cats, it has the ability to alter your cat's behavior like nothing else can. So what exactly is the reason for what scientists have coined as "the Catnip effect"? Stop! Dont Give Your Cat That Chocolate! "Where's the harm? My cat seems to enjoy chocolate and it's only a small piece." Acclimating New Birds Now that my services have expanded into the "matchmaking" business, it dawned on me that we need to talk about the transition of a bird moving to a new home, whether a hand fed baby just adopted to a new home or an older bird going to a second home. This is a stressful time for any bird, but you can help lessen the strife and make the move easier for both your new bird and the rest of the family. Dogs & Kids: Happy Together Dogs and kids, it's a combination that at it's best can be the stuff of childhood dreams. At it's worst, it can be a source of heartache and pain and even injury. How can you ensure that your child and Man's Best Friend have a loving and safe relationship? Mostly, it's the responsibility of the adults of the house to teach toddlers and even older children that a dog is not a toy. It's a living, breathing creature that feels pain, shame and humiliation as much as love, pride and happiness. A dog that bites a child may only be defending itself the only way it knows how. But to minimize ever having to worry about a parent's worst nightmare, family animal psychologist, Larry Lachman, M.S., offers the following advice: 5 Common Grooming Mistakes Made by Dog Owners 1. Clipping the quick when cutting nails. Chinese Shar Pei Character If you have never seen a Shar Pei before, the first impression might just as well be that of a kind, though independent, even arrogant clodhopper. Indeed, these dogs are often arrogant with strangers. And of course, this makes people think that Shar Pei is smarter than it looks. But under the mask of arrogance and indifference hides a mischievous soul of a natural-born clown. It is in domestic surroundings that these dogs reveal their true character, their numerous faces and aspects of mood. Each of them is truly individual and a great wonder to discover. This is what makes Shar Pei so capable of true and loyal friendship unlike many other pets. How to Increase Your Fishkeeping Fun Do you really get the fullest amount of enjoyment out of your fish?, or is it hampered by little worries and anxieties? Why Should I Adopt A Pet Over the past couple of years, animal rescues have been gaining popularity and support from all sorts of pet lovers. Basically what rescues do is take in animals and adopt them out to loving homes. Local animal shelters can only provide minimal support for pets needing homes. As a result euthanasia is a unfortunate reality of overpopulated shelters. With the over population of shelters such as the SPCA, rescue organizations are many pets only and last chance at a new beginning. Buy Dog Supplements Online Dog Supplements Got Fleas? How to Spot and Care For Fleas on Your Dog Your poor pooch is scratching himself all over. Plus, you know he's uncomfortable because he's whimpering and gnawing too. Chances are, he's got fleas. These little sixlegged parasites will wreak havoc and mayhem for you and your pet if you don't learn how to take care of the problem now. Your Dog is a Social Animal - and Needs You! Your dog is a social being, just like you! He/she loves walking in the park with you, playing ball or chase with you, and just being with you. Even when he/she's lying around the house or the backyard having a snooze, your dog is well aware of your presence, or absence, and appreciates every minute you spend with him/her. If you have a family, your dog loves being part of your family and no doubt has a special relationship with most, if not all, of the family members. Did You Know? German Shepherds were among the first dogs trained for police work- beginning around 1900 in Ghent, Belgium. Wisdom... Wolves! Wolves are magnificent and majestic creatures that have shared this planet with us for possibly as long as 12,000 years. They have a long history as one of nature's large predators. In the relatively short time that people have taken over almost everywhere on this planet, the habitat for wolves and other species of animal has diminished making it difficult for survival but with the help of environmentalists, wolves have been protected and are making a come back. Nutrition and Your Dogs Behavior Nutrition and Your Dog's Behavior
|
|
|
|
|
